The next hard day....

I was under no preconceived notion that this day would be easy. I mean, what about GRIEF is easy? Answer: NONE of it. 

There is no timeline.

I have slowly gotten rid of things. Clothes, glasses, shoes, jackets, etc. But this chair….. HIS chair has remained.

Sure, it got relegated to the garage ONLY because I thought it was a sign from HIM to do so….after finding a FB Garage sale find of a perfect condition ikea chair I had wanted for a REALLY long time…and it was $10 WITH the footstool, and they normally go for $350!  I snapped that up, but I couldn’t fit them both in the living room.  So, the chair lived in the garage…because I was NOT getting rid of it!

There is no timeline.

Not because it’s a good chair - it’s old, and it is falling apart.  Not because it is a comfy chair, because it isn’t.  Not because it’s a STYLISH chair - I mean, look at it.  But because it is HIS Chair.  

He died in this chair. Now for some of you that might be hard to read.  But it is my reality. The entire LASTs of his life were centered in or around this chair.  

I picked his lifeless 6’4 body up out of this chair, laid him on the ground next to it, and started {what was a poor attempt at} chest compressions. 

The aftermath was that the dogs laid in this chair for a long time afterwards. No one else was allowed to sit on the chair, or even put anything ON the chair. I sat in his chair many many nights crying.  It comforted me. It was his favorite chair. I felt closer to him when I was in his chair. 

There is no timeline.

Today, I dragged it out to the curb. It all started a few days ago. I went out to my garage, and I needed to find something. My “garage” is FULL … of STUFF!  I can’t get to the things in the back because there is a pecking order. This chair remained steadfast in the corner of the garage…taking up valuable real estate {See first pic}. As I unloaded all the things OFF of it trying to find the one thing I was looking for, that was it! In a single instant moment, I knew it was time….time to say goodbye to the chair.  

Now for those counting, YES, it HAS been over 3 years, as a matter of fact. And YES, I HAVE moved it...twice.  I had asked myself several times before if I was ready, and the answer was always no. 

There is no timeline.  

So off to the garage I went. I had to rearrange just to get TO the chair to get it out. I cried.  I asked myself if I was sure. Then I cried some more. Then I had to shovel the snow piled up in front of the garage before I could even attempt to move it.  {Something I neglected to realize when I thought, “I’m just gonna go DO IT and have it be over with”} - so I’m shoveling heavy wet snow, and crying. 

Slowly, but surely, me and old trusty made it down the driveway together. I was thankful no one stopped and asked if I needed help because I wanted to do it alone. I wanted that TIME with the chair.  {Do I sound CRAZY YET?!} 

So I get it down to the end of the driveway.  I hoist it onto the snowbank, and I take a picture of it. Just then, when I thought I was all alone standing on the street, staring at an old decrepit chair on a snow bank, a woman appears out of NOWHERE. {Scared the crap out of me}… and said, “Did you just drag that out here all by yourself?” And I said, “yes, I did!” And she said, “Gosh, I bet you’re glad to be getting rid of THAT thing!” And I said, “no, actually, I’m not.” Thankfully at this point, I had sunglasses on and I think she thought my sniffling was from the cold, versus the reality, which was me standing there in the street like a wacko, crying, over a chair.  I quickly asked if she would take a picture of me before I felt the compulsive need to explain anything else.  She obliged, so I climbed up in the chair, and she snapped a photo of me.  I thanked her and she went on her merry way like that wasn't odd at all.

Then I thought, “well that was sneaky of you Tom… you knew I wouldn’t be able to get my whole self in a picture taken by me….so you made  that woman appear! Thanks!”

I sat there a few more moments, praying for no more random passerbys and then….that was it.  I came inside. 

I know all the normal banter, it’s just a chair, his memory lives in your heart, blah blah blah.  But this was a REALLY big deal to me.

There is no timeline. 

Have you lost someone?  What was the hardest thing to {eventually} get rid of? Or…What have you NOT gotten rid of because you just can’t part with it? I would love to hear your stories! 

If you are grieving, remember, there is no timeline. There is no right or wrong.  Everyone does it, feels it, and deals with it differently. You are loved!